비가 오는 날엔
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
leave some drops.
so goodbye?
As I just realized now, I am not close to anyone. I mean, I do have lots of friends out there, but none of them would keep in touch with me. I am pointing out this thing as I think I am drifting away from my fake friendship and closeness, which is a good thing for me. It is true that I tell everything to my "best friends" but you know, a best friend does not leave her or his best friend alone right? But the truth is that what I feel right now, or maybe that is just me, but then again, that what I feel. I am not sure myself whether I am the one who made the gap between me and my friends or they made them but now I live as I do not have any friend? On the other hand, I am glad their still keep in touch with each other and I do not want to bother their happiness, hanging out together and stuff. Sincerity and loyalty are the best when it comes to friends, everyone.
When I go out with my friends, I always notice that their phones keep ringing because of their active chat rooms. Fyi, I used to have lots of close friends which I almost called the as my best friends and now all of them are not close to me anymore. I lost all of them in a blink of an eye. The only time that they were function as my so-called 'best friends' was when I cried. I was a crybaby back then, I even cried in my classroom and all of them would comfort me and that was the only time I was glad that they exist. As for now, I do not get any invitations from them which I somehow feel disappointed with myself and them. So I thought oh maybe I am the one who made the gap or distant, so that is why everyone is leaving me alone. Right after I moved to another school (3rd school), I rarely talked with my previous school friends. I did visited them when I had free time. Since then, the gap grows bigger and bigger. Now, that I am standing alone by myself and no one to support me, I do realized that I have to stop depend and believe in someone so I don't have to deal with any serious trust issues now.
I no longer believe in the "hey, I miss you" even if it is from my girl friends. I believe it is just phrase that you use because you haven't seen them in a while but that 'missing' feeling ends after a few seconds. I know, because I did the same too. Not to forget those words like "we should hang out soon", and then, the very next day, BOOM! They hang out without me. Another words that I always get from my friends "I miss you, I want to see you" and nothing happens for quite a long time. Maybe I chose wrong person to be friend with. Idk. I blame myself for everything. I am thanking God for sending me those friends that I supposed to be friends with, without them, I am not what I am today. I don't get to shape myself without them. So now it depends on them, whether they want to stay in my life or walk away from life. It's their choice. And even if they don't want to be friends with me anymore, I am okay with that, there are thousands people out there that I can be friend with. It's not like I'm mocking them, but I'm honestly done handling with this 'friendshit' thing.
