비가 오는 날엔
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
leave some drops.
upside down
I just want to tell you if you think varsity life is all about enjoyment then YOU ARE FREAKING WRONG. I swear I thought everything is going to be so smooth like what I had in 1st and 2nd semesters but NO. It is just 5th week of schooling and my 3rd semester almost flopped. At this point, at this rate, God sent me some tests to test on my sabr and patient. Lab reports are piling up every single week, not just that, I've been dealing with depression and problems with my friends and my complicated love life. At the earlier of the week 1 until week 3, it was all about my love life. I know that's not important and we could just ignore that but uh I just ended my relationship not long time ago and that boy registered in the same class as me. My heart shattered into small pieces and bits after I knew he is in my class. It was torturing. But thank God t'was temporary. I'm okay now. And two tests on consecutive for 2 days, I was like a corpse.
Now what about my friends? Well, insecurity turns to anxiety, I am afraid of people leaving me or hating me for no reason. Yes, that's what I've been dealing with. I really feel like everyone around me hates me. It is more than just a friend. Some of them made it so obvious that they hate me. I can't even think what have I done to them, but all I know is, I act naturally, normally being me like usual but I don't think anyone can accept it. I mean, I am weird, super duper weird people my as well think that I am insane. It is not their fault though because sometimes I think I am insane too. My sanity is not in normal level, it is beyond normal. My mood can change within seconds from happy to sad af (I swear I cry easily these days) and I become so loud well, even louder than before and people have to deal with me because that is what I am. I am being me and nothing is wrong with that. But why some people can accept that? It is not like I interfere with their life and stuff. Or maybe it is just me, who overthinks about everything because of the insecurity. That's just me. Real me. Me in the inside. So I can conclude that my mood is unstable whenever, wherever. And also there is something happened between my boy and my close friend. But I won't tell. It's too heart breaking for me.
This short semester break, no I am not hoping to go back. Just think about it make my heart and body suffocating. I am literally done with uni life. Partially, because I am excited of what awaits me in the future and I know it will turn into a precious memory of mine.
